Toxic Friends - Finding the right friend

Toxic Friends

Someone has very rightly said, "When you love someone, you hand them the greatest weapon to harm you". This can also be found to be true of friendships.

Friendship is supposed to be the safest of relationships, where you can be yourself without fear of being judged. A friend is supposed to be the one who you can trust with all your life. But sadly, it is also the relationship that can cause the greatest pain and suffering.

While it is true that not all friends cause pain, it is also true that the pain caused by a friend is often the most difficult to forgive and very rarely are we able to forget it. So how does one prevent this kind of pain? How can one recognize which friends are worth keeping and which will only become more and more hazardous as time passes? Although it is a difficult question, and one that can probably never by satisfactorily answered, research has indicated that there are nine types of friends that one must watch out for. These have been named toxic friends, because they are hazardous to our health! The nine toxic friends are:

• The Manipulator: This person is your friend only as long as s/he can use you for some personal benefit. This manipulative person is probably the worst of all toxic friends.
• The Betrayer: Nothing hurts more that a betrayal, that too from a friend, a person who you trusted, so watch out for the betrayer.
• The Controller: This person is your friend as long as s/he can control you. On the face of it, it appears as though this person is helping you, but if you break out of the control, then you can find out this was no friendship at all.
• The Judge: Friendship is supposed to be your safety net, but this person's friendship can erode your self-esteem. Always the faultfinder, ever critical, you can rarely do anything completely right with this toxic friend.
• The Promise Breaker: This person rarely does what s/he says s/he will do. Dependability is the hallmark of a true friend and that one thing which is always absent when it comes to this toxic friend.
• The Gossip: This person will break your trust and share classified information with others. Although s/he is generally easy to spot, they are just as toxic.
• The Self-Obsessed Person: They are toxic friends because they cannot stop thinking of themselves long enough to think about you!
• The Rival: Although a bit of healthy competition is a part of most friendship, too much competition becomes toxic. This person always tries to be "one-up", even if it means putting you down.
• The Baby: This is a toxic friend who clings to you, and wants all your time and attention. Jealousy often is a part of this friendship.

Again, no can always avoid a toxic friend. But often to be forewarned is to be forearmed.

Finding the right friend, like many other things in life, is often a process of trial and error. The above list may help in preventing errors that are unnecessary and painful, but that does not mean that we do not believe in friendship and not trust friends in the fear of being disappointed. Friendship is truly a beautiful relationship, to be experienced only when one is ready for a little risk. So go ahead, make friends and savor the joy only true friends can bring!!

If you would like to discuss a concern regarding friends or any relationships please use our counselling service.

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